My writing experiences have grow. All of the writing with Mrs.Sueoka has been fun here and there but in the end I thin that the essays and reports really help me to become of a better writer. Making me use more creativity ,more vocab for my essays,more voice,be specific, ideas are more interesting.
Some of my goals in school is to get higher grades to empress my parents, to keep it up, also to be more of a leader.
Kelvin i enjoyed reading your essay soo much. I like how you talked about what movies tell you about high school. That showed that you actually thought about what high school was like before you got there. I only wish that you could have put more detail about specific expireinces that you had that gave you that positive look on high school. My favorite part of your essay was the part when you made the comparison between high school and the jungle or forest. I found what you said about the animals and cubs being freshman very appropriate and correct. I hope that somewhere in your great essay you can fit details about the different groups of people and clicks we have in high school. I can really relate to your essay and your thoughts because that was my coming of age expirience andi felt the exact same wya you did. Over all great job and great ideas.
ReplyDelete-Justin
HI Kelvin,
ReplyDeleteI noticed that Justin posted in the wrong place. He posted his response to your Coming of Age blog here. Be sure to read his comments, along with Austin's when you revise.
Here are my comments on your writing goals and on your writing pre-assessment: You have admirable goals but remember that "higher grades" come from greater learning. I would like to see you focus more when you are completing your writing assignments. I think you can do a better job than what you turned in for your pre-assessment on technology and cheating in schools.
That impromptu essay seemed more like a free-write journal. It seemed as if you were putting down thoughts as they came into your head, without really thinking about making the best argument for your thesis.
On the other hand, your pre-writing chart was pretty good. I'm puzzled that you didn't seem to use the ideas and the complete sentence responses that you did on the pro-con chart and "started from scratch" when you did the essay.
I think we'll need to work a bit more on how the parts of the writing process fit together because I think that will help you to improve in your final products.
mrs s