Alcohol is the like the drug which parents warn you from taking. But those teens out there think it is cool to have a thing that could effects your body in the most harmful way. It changes you by feelings. You could do dangerous things with your emotions and feeling about thinking of the consequences. It can turn your life upside down!
Teens who take alcohol, are always put out by the society for the actions taking it but it is not all there fault.. Cause without a parent guidance about not doing alcohol. It is higher for teens to take it. Parents have to be more included in there lives. For example UK studies show that parents who show a more favorable and tolerant attitude towards alcohol seem to have the most affected and high substance user teens and children. But in UK it is clearly proven that parent guidance has decreased the use of alcohol directly. Children start experimenting and being to get addictive if they keep drinking alcohol.
Then there is there those parents who are a bad influence to there children as they grow up to be teens. The amount of people who have alcoholic problems is 5 million out of other millions of people out there. Parents with these problems with most likely use marijuana, prescription drugs which are not used for non medical reasons, and all those other bad stuff I don’t want to even mention.
All this will effect their children later in life. Give them diseases. So it is never to late to quit or get help.
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This is pretty well layed out, fairly well organized, and it's easy to understand what your points are. If you read it out loud you can hear a lot of grammatical issues though. Also, fix your "theres" into "theirs"
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I felt as if this Risky Business essay was based on your personal opinion rather than facts. It would be a solid essay if you included actual numeric facts to support some of your statements. When you talked about the UK facts, you should've added the actual numbers, like "5 out of 9 teens in the UK" have used alcohol as a result of no parental guidance." It felt rushed, rather than thoroughly done. If I was a reader that didn't know you, I would not be convinced to react or take an action. There are also simple grammatical mistakes such as "Then there is there those parents", where is should be "ARE". Make those little improvements, and you're on your way to a powerful essay.
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